Parting Time
I've been bitter over the almost 3-year relationship that ended up on a silly text message. More than a month passed since then. I've seen pictures of you wrapped around in the arms of another girl. Back then, my initial reaction would be throwing fits of anger and jealousy and I admit that it was my ugliest disposition. I thought I was the worst, but you proved me wrong. You were worse than me.
Now, I've seen and known a lot more about you and your new girl and I've found it surprising at how blunt my reaction is regarding this matter. I no longer feel jealous and angry about what you've told me that you wanted to find yourself but you ended up in the arms of another. I just can't help but smile at the memory of our last encounter.
The love we once had was real and amazing. It was simply the best, considering that it was my first serious relationship and I really did ponder about sharing the future with you. Well, we were young and naive and the world seemed to rotate for just the two of us. But the relationship we had took a lot of things away from us. It even took away ourselves, our passions, our humor, our time and effort. It had been very exhausting in the long run, especially that we no longer moved about in the same dimension.
A couple of minutes ago, my news feed revealed pictures of you two from a common friend's post. I couldn't help but notice that smile on your faces, especially yours AJ. It was genuine and real and it was one that I didn't see for ages. Then, it hit me. "Was I bitter about the break up? Or was I bitter about the fact that you found someone new and I was left alone in the dark side of losing you?" - Don't get me wrong, you're still a wonderful person amidst everything.
I've been so busy with depression that I even forgot that I have a life that's waiting for me to act upon. I've been nurturing this hurt and living in pain since the day you went away. I've been so angry and I let this feeling overwhelm and consume every fiber of my being. I've been drawn out from my self.
Then again, I asked myself when was the last time I smiled like that - genuine, pure, and full of love. "A woman is a reflection of her man" and vice versa. I scrutinized my reflection in the mirror and the youth in my eyes seemed to fade away. My past wasn't that impressive and my social issues were beyond ordinary. But hey, "I'm still here, alive and kicking."
Throughout the mourning process, I've been overflowing with support, comfort, and encouragement from the wonderful people around me. For someone who had done a lot of mistakes in her life, I've been loved and cared for more than what I thought I deserved. Indeed, I'm a very fortunate person. It is a fact that I lost you. But I gained more love from my family and friends - a bigger, more unconditional love surpassing the love we once had. I'm very thankful about it. I'm not alone at all. I'm moving on.
AJ, thank you for everything. You showed me love and taught me how to love but we missed out the opportunity for me to return the favor to you. Saying good bye from a love gone wrong and from the memories that we made isn't easy. I admit that I've been bitter, the lowest of the low. I've been at my worst and ugliest state. But, thank you for the love and the pain.
It is my vow that I will resurrect from the daunting misery and come anew as a person who will believe again in man and in love. I am now taking my time not to find a new love but to pick up myself again from the rust and loosen bolts of my past. I yearn for the day that I will meet the man whom I will spend rest of my life with. But I am not in a hurry. I want to take things slowly but surely. For now, I’ll focus in achieving the dream of becoming a doctor. I have faith that the best way to find myself is to lose myself in the service of others (credit goes to Mahatma Ghandi).
This is my farewell to you, to the memories, to the time we spent together, to the love we once shared. It was a wonderful journey. Thank you for sharing your life with me. I hope we both find happiness (oops my bad, you already found yours ;)). Well, I hope I’ll find my own happiness.
From the bottom of my heart, thank you! The next time we'll meet again, I'll be a different person. You've taught me that I can be better and stronger than who I am today. I'm very glad that it was you who broke my heart. I cannot say that I love you because I no longer do. And the memories will be wiped away by selective amnesia. I am now cutting lose from the ghost of our past. Thank you for everything.
Here’s to the bright tomorrow, cheers!
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