The semester ended after five months of ‘wholesome’ medical education. Well, not really. Life was a very busy highway with defective traffic lights, detours and dead-ends. In the end, I realize, it was not the grades that matter the most. It was the retention. The way one processes information in order to come up with a very sound rationalization of the diagnosis and how to manage it.

The world is becoming more and more sophisticated. Doctors and researchers around the world are trying to fill in the generation gap among diseases and their concomitant evolution. Amidst the effort and the wishful thinking, cure is still hard to find elsewhere.

Then, it occurred to me. The world of medicine was not about people in white coats getting financially stable – it was about SAVING LIVES while SAVING YOUR SANITY in the process.

Studying medicine is indeed a privilege. It is an opportunity that comes once in a lifetime. It is a trade of youth, energy and resources. It is about exploring yourself and getting a second-third-fourth-and-so-on reality check whether you’re sane enough to decide upon yielding into this kind of life – just to have that coveted white coat with your name embroidered with M.D. on its great sanctity.

I just finished my first semester on my third year as a medical student. Like most standardized medical schools, I’m a semester away to step into the wards, clad in a “V-neck” white uniform with my stethoscope hanging around my neck – the typical Junior Intern.

But then...after a thorough self evaluation and sanity test, I was not surprised to find myself falling into an abyss of confusion. These past three years, I’ve spent my youth reading books and transcriptions and dealing with cases and partaking in class discussions – but I think I haven’t learned enough. I’m almost THIS CLOSE into believing that I haven’t learned anything at all.

I’m actually in an anxious state. I’ve been on constant debate with myself whether I’m fit for the job or not. I’ve been pondering what would have become of me if I took the other path and not this one. Actually, I’m afraid that what I lack will lead to my patient’s demise.

But...most doctors must have gone through this phase, I suppose. Oh well, *sigh*, this is just a phase. Everything will be alright. Hold on. This is a learning experience.

One must know its weakness in order to gain true strength.